five or six moments from a fictionalized disney grad night in June of 2000

1:01am. I think this is the sixth time they have played the Alice Deejay song. You know the one that goes “do do doo do-do do do do doo do-do, do you think you are beeeeeetter off aloooone”. It sucks, a lot. But it’s still better than that darn Blue song. We must have heard that over a dozen times. Eiffel 66? 65? Something like that, they suck too. Blue ba da dee and the blue house and blah blah blah. Disneyland has taken great effort to keep the students dressed nicely because they think the students will act more maturely. Then why do they attack our ears with this crappy song over and over again. It’s making me want to punch a cast member in the face.

1:11am. And now Disneyland just played that “Blue” song for the forty third time goddammit. What a nightmare. And now they are playing that Eminem song. Again.

2:53am. The Matterhorn line went faster than anticipated and when it was our turn to tell the cast member (dressed in lederhosen, of course) how many were in our party, I nervously held up three fingers. Lucky for me, I was sitting in the front of the toboggan while the mysterious girls I met in line shared the seat in the back. And at this moment, of all the moments so far tonight, everything was perfect. The Disneyland DJ decided to stop with the annoying songs and played a Vengaboys cut, “Boom Boom Boom Boom”, just as we were entering the Matterhorn. Ximena and Betsy sing along and I join in as the toboggan clankity-clanks up and the fake snow falls in the distance. Someone screams ahead of us and a moment later, we are at full speed, gliding through the mountain. At one point, the two different tracks get close enough that I am able to high-five a random stranger in another toboggan. It’s pretty epic.

3:48am. We run into Tony, Josh, and Brandon. They just got off Space Mountain for a second time. I introduce them to Betsy and Ximena. I had a hard time pronouncing Ximena’s name all night. I want to call her “Zima” instead but she hits me whenever I do it. Betsy invented a game as we roamed around deciding on our next ride. She points to a couple on a bench, laying horizontally. “Are they making out, sleeping, or dead?” she asks. We all stand there for a moment, contemplating the possibility.

“Dead.”

“Dead.”

“Sleeping.”

“Dead.”

“Making out.”

“Dead.”

We laugh as Tony sneaks up to the couple on the bench, trying to get a closer look. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re dead” and we laugh and laugh some more. One of the two people on the bench lurches up and blinks his eyes, looking around confused. Then he gave us the bird and goes back to sleep. Or making out. Or being dead. One of those.

4:35am. “Is this song about thongs?” I ask. “Are you serious?” Ximena stares at me like I’m crazy. “Never mind, I must be hearing things, it sure sounds like it’s about thongs though…” Now everyone is stares at me like I’m an idiot. I thought it sounded like the song was about thongs, so sue me, I’m a weirdo, sorry. “They have played this song like a thousand times tonight,” Brandon points out, “and it is about thongs. It’s the Thong Song.” How have I not noticed this song before? How have I been able to block out a song about underwear the whole night? “A thousand times, really?” The entire group responds with a resounding “YES!!”

 

4:59am. We wait outside of the Star Trader again for Tony, Brandon, and Ximena and then run back over to Thunder Mountain as a whole group. On the way we run into the psychedelics kids but they all appear to be back to normal, the drugs having worn off. Well, at least they aren’t staring at moths flying around a street lamp anymore. They ask where we are going and we tell them we are trying to finish the night with the gauntlet of rides, and their group adds to ours as we rush over to Thunder Mountain. One of them says, “I love this song” and the rest of the group groans.

“What song, I don’t hear anything?” I say.  I’m confused.

Betsy and Ximena are groaning too. “What song are you guys talking about?” I repeat.

“The Thong Song!” the group says in unison.

“You must be thong-deaf,” notes Ximena.

She may be right.

 

7:02am. We race up the ramp to Space Mountain. It’s empty when we get to the entrance and the cast members laughed at us when we ask for one more ride. “Sure,” they say, “just don’t miss your bus.” and we promise we won’t and hop into the roller coaster. Dick Dale’s guitar blasts into our ears and I realize it may be the first guitar I’ve heard all night.

7:14am. We rub our eyes, the sun shining. It’s acting as if it’s been here the whole time and we are the weird ones, trying to adjust to our new surroundings. The place is empty. There is a single cast member in the middle of the barren Tomorrowland, sweeping away a bunch of trash. And that’s it. The park is closed and the lady sweeping reminds us of that and we find our way towards the buses. Tony has to pee, I don’t. He tells me to wait for him but cast members push me towards the exiting crowds and I get swept up and off I go, past the point of no return and back to the bus.

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