Heartbeats

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I can fall in love with anyone’s heartbeat. That is all I need. All I need is a chest, it doesn’t have to be your white flawless form. All I need is a heartbeat. It can be the man who waits for the bus down the street’s, it can be my mother’s. I don’t really know if I am capable of telling the difference between heartbeats. Most of them make me feel in love. Your heartbeat made me feel in love.

My body wants to run back into your body, so I can hold it and listen to its heartbeat. So it can hold me and listen to my heartbeat.

That is all I want to do for the rest of my life, place my ear against the strength of a body and listen to the organ that makes it strong. The heart.

The Average heart beats 70 to 80 beats per minute. I have never measured your pulses nor would I be able to for the moment my ear presses against that throbbing song, an air of nothing wraps itself around me and suddenly I am gone. My beats fade, my heart whispers trying to slow down the natural rhythm to an incomprehensible miniscule rate, my beats fade. I leave the body I am in and tumble into your sound, into my memories.

And in my memories, in this moment, I am inhaling your forgotten scent. My first breath, I am discovering all you are. I am reliving the dream of love I carried. I am no longer in my tangible figure, but I can see and almost taste my ear against your bare white chest. My mind continues to run in and out of thoughts once carried. I see words of past beliefs cascading. Beliefs set on the idea that there was a right way to fall in love, a perfect way. I am going to grab hold of it with my entire body. I will fall so hard but do it right, the way that truth works. I so believed that nothing could ruin that but lies.

Until Now. My first exhale. My stomach is weak as it squeezes itself into my screams. But before this first breath escaped me, I did not realize that nothing has any certainty, even if it is all planned out. Even if a connection beyond the dreams of gods takes place between us. Our brains want more, there is no satisfaction in the human mind, or at least not in the minds I am attracted to. Those ever changing thoughts that try there best to improve upon it all.

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