The Alchemists

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Dang mommy. A surfer girl with luscious eyebrows and a jukebox rack to match. Hana is annoyingly rare. When I’m not with her, I can’t satisfy my Hana-craving by just dabbling around with some other gal. No. She is a gem that remains hidden in the cave. Another thing, her fucking smile. Hana has recently been absolutely rocking braces. What a girl. It’s amazing the type of people who can rock braces. Not even joking, when she got them on I swear I thought to myself, it might actually be kinda cool to get my braces put back on. She’s such a lady killer that the installment of braces upon her scrumptious little mouth made peeps around her want to get them. Ok so we got her rarity and her smile, what else. Let’s not forget her humor. Like, you’ve got to be kidding me. She is so fucking funny that sometimes I’m embarrassed by how easy I get around her. Hana is the kind of person where putting her in any situation is hysterical. There are so many fantasies I have about Hana doing things like attending a Pitbull & Ke$ha concert, conversing with overweight women wearing moo moos, and having to fix an angry customer’s watch while they’re standing over her impatiently. She’s just such a goof ball that I love experiencing the world with her.

There’s this one quote that always pops into my head when I think of my utter adoration for Hana freakin Derith. It’s something my uncle said at his wedding to his new wife. He said “take chances in life, and follow all your dreams, and hopefully, you’ll let me come along with you”. As you can imagine, this is what I feel about Hana. If we’re being honest, I don’t even care if this girl likes me in 20 years, but to either her hatred or enjoyment, I’ll be lurking in the corners of her life just to see what the heck she ends up doing. I mean this girl can fly. If there’s one person in my life right now who I know is gonna have the life of a pina colada loving, sex-crazed, Hawaiian tanned, rockstar, it’s Ms. Antrim. I can’t wait to see what happens to my enchanting Cleopatra.

Ok now I just have to do a little bragging that’s not even based around good writing or anything, just a list of achievements. Hana’s such a crazy kitten who always seems to get me juicin. For instance, I have a total fear of people seeing me dance in the car, and nonetheless, Hana can get me to do it. Of course there’s a whole bunch of humiliation and awkward moments where I abruptly give up but then pretend I didn’t and try to “jazz hands” my way back into dancing, but we still rock it baby. I simply love that she can hold eye contact with people while thrusting her hips into my dashboard. Another thing is that Hana ran a half marathon. 13 miles. Just imagine you trying to run 13 miles (sweaty, whiny, jiggly) and now imagine Hana (graceful, determined, and strong af). She’s also hella smart, creative, has dashing/irresistible/delicious looks, and has the voice of a new born angel. Sounds like an ok girl, am I right? She got the grooves and the grapes. Love her dearly.